Groatcakes

Wanting to bring a little bit of Quark’s to your home? Well, it’s going to cost you. But after watching “The Magnificent Ferengi” episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, you could say that I’m feeling mighty generous. In fact, for only the cost of ingredients, I will provide you with a lovely recipe for Bajoran Groatcakes. This breakfast dish pairs well with Honey, Maple Syrup or, most importantly, Syrup of Squill. But first I’m going to spin you a tale of my quest to make the perfect groatcake.

Now, this isn’t a situation like with my Atekian Apple Pie recipe where I was waiting months for the perfect ingredient. In fact, it’s a bit of the opposite. See, I didn’t know what a groat was. I mean, I had googled it and knew it was the hulled kernels of an oat, but I couldn’t find it in a store. They don’t just sell bags of groats at Walmart. Which meant that for months, this recipe was largely on the back burner. When an item is called groatcakes, you kind of need groats, right? It’s literally in the name.

By this point in the story we fast forward a few months to December 2020. I was piddling about online like I do when I think I was looking up something about oatmeal. I really, love oatmeal, you see. A nice steel cut oatmeal with a cinnamon brown sugar, some strawberries and pecans? Perfect. Literally my favorite thing to eat at Panera. But as I was looking up oats for my Atekian apple pie recipe, I believe, I came across a little tidbit: steel cut oats are groats of whole oats. I had a whole container of steel-cut oats in my cabinet the entire time and I didn’t know they were groats.

Once I had realized this, well, we were off to the races and trying to figure out what a groatcake would be. Is it a real cake? Probably not. It is a breakfast dish you eat with syrup after all. So perhaps a pancake? Maybe, but that didn’t feel right. Nor did I think it would taste particularly good considering that groats have a rather tough texture. So what was a captain to do? Obviously make soft of sweetened biscuit. I mean, it worked. And if you don’t believe me, just check out the recipe.

Mise En Place

In order to make our Bajoran Groatcakes we need six ingredients (seven if you count the water) and they are 1 cup Steel Cut Oats, 2 cups Flour, 8 tablespoons frozen Butter, 1 tablespoons Baking Powder, and 4 tablespoons Sugar. You’ll also want a mixing bowl, a medium pot and a baking pan.

The first thing we are going to want to do after preheating the oven to 425 degrees F is bring 2 cups of water to a boil on the stove for our oats. See, groats are actually quite hard and need to be softened for consumption. Most places will have a nice overnight oat thing and that’s always good, but here? We’re going to cheat a little and boil our groats for 20 minutes.

While the steel cut oats are boiling, we shall move onto the biscuit recipe. You want to combine your eight tablespoons of butter with half a cup of flour. The reason we do this is because the best way to achieve a nice flaky biscuit is to use cold butter and cut it into pebbles with the flour. Try not to use your hands too much if you can help it because cold butter is key. You see, when the biscuit cooks, the butter will melt and create steam. That steam helps to create pockets of air that give biscuits that airy, flaky texture we all desire. For mine, I used my food process and just set it to chop since, once you have a food processor, you will find yourself using it for everything.

My flour/butter mixture after running it through the food processor.

And rightfully so.

Anyways, once you have a nice pebble mixture that feels a bit like really coarse sand, it’s time to add the rest of the dry ingredients. This means the remaining flour, the sugar, the salt, and the baking powder. Especially the baking powder since it’s our leavening agent. It’s our warp core. There will no lift off of this nice flaky biscuit unless you have it. Much like you have to use baking powder, not soda, because baking powder has a double acting quality to it. See, it will react first to the liquid mixed in later and then again when the biscuits are baking. So it’s super important to have that. And once all our dry ingredients are in a bowl, we mix them together to combine it.

Now, maybe it’s been twenty minutes since you put the oats in the boiling water, maybe you’re still waiting. Either way, once those twenty minutes have passed, you are going to want to drain out the water from the pot before running cold water over the oats until they are cool. Remember, the goal here is to have our nice cold butter melt when the biscuits bake. Steaming hot oats? Great for breakfast, terrible for groatcakes. So just keep running that cold water over your oats until they are cold. This means getting your hands wet because the groats are going to stick together a bit which means the groats on the outside may be cold but in the middle? Still hot. Nevertheless, this process shouldn’t take more than a minute or two.

When that is done take your groats and put them into the bowl with the rest of the dry ingredients. Then you can take your buttermilk and add it to the mixture, making sure to thoroughly combine everything until it’s sticky like wet dough and looks like oatmeal. Also, pro tip, for those of you who don’t have buttermilk, worry not. I don’t always have it either. In fact, in the pictures shown, I actually used an old cheat: 1 cup milk with 1 tablespoon vinegar. Works just as well, even if the flavor is exactly the same.

Once everything is mixed together, we take our baking pan and make sure it is greased/that we cover it with a baking sheet before plopping spoonfuls of the groatcake dough onto the pan. See, I love a good drop biscuit and the overall consistency of the mixture should be just shy of fit for rolling and cutting. Groatcake size is entire up to you, but you can see in the picture that I went a little large. As they cook they will spread and flatten a little, so keep that in mind when spacing them. Once they are on the pan, you want to put them in the oven for 15-20 minutes to bake.

Groatcakes

Groatcakes as first mentioned in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, season 6 episode 10, 'The Magnificent Ferengi'
Prep Time 30 mins
Cook Time 15 mins
Course Breakfast
Cuisine Bajoran
Servings 10 People

Ingredients
  

  • 1 cup Steel Cut Oats
  • 2 cups Flour
  • 1 cup Buttermilk
  • 8 tbsp Butter frozen
  • 1 tbsp Baking Powder
  • 4 tbsp Sugar
  • 2 cups Water

Instructions
 

  • Pre-heat oven to 425 degrees.
  • Bring about 2 cups of water to a boil on the stove and then add the oats. Allow them to boil for 15 minutes.
  • When the oats are ready, drain the water and run the oats under cold water until they are cool.
  • In a mixing bowl, combine half a cup of flour with the butter while making sure not to overwork the butter if using your hands.
  • Add in the rest of the remaining flour, baking powder, and sugar. Mix it together.
  • Once the dry ingredients are mixed, add in the oats and buttermilk. Stir until they are combined and the batter resembled sticky oatmeal.
  • Grease pan then scoop out biscuit portions onto it. Afterwards, put the pan into the oven and cook for 15 minutes, or until golden.
  • After removing from the oven, allow them to cool for five minutes before eating.
Keyword Biscuits, Breakfast, Quick, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Steel Cut Oats

Made the recipe? Show us on instagram using the hashtag #thecaptainstablelog and be sure to tag @_thecaptainstable while you’re at it.

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